Absolute, complete beauty. I'm not sure what he meant by that. Of course, the words themselves are easy to understand, but what he sees in me I don't really understand. I look in the mirror and see someone that is less than perfect. I know I need to open up. I know I need to accept love in my life. I don't know what scares me so much about that. If I tell him my entire history and bare my soul to him, will he accept me? What if he leaves once he sees the real me?
Sometimes I feel like I am a broken person - someone that has been used up and thrown away by others. I feel like I have been abandoned by others so many times in the past. My father was not a real part of my life, my mom's ex-fiance left after changing everything about me forever, my best friend passed away at the youngest of ages, my boyfriend fell out of love with me, my friends turned against me and ruined me in front of others. How am I supposed to trust again? How do I open myself up to others when it seems that I get hurt every time?
As I ask these questions to myself, a part of me is also begging me to see the best in the others. I inately want to trust people and think that they are really good. Giving chance after chance is something that I often do - allowing others to constantly walk all over me. I know I need to be more confident and have the self-esteem in myself that I can do anything that I set my mind to. At the same time, I have doubts about so many things that it is hard to stay positive. Will I really do well in the field that I have chosen? Am I worth something more to someone out there? Will I be alone forever? These are all questions that plague me and make me wonder.
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